Please do not judge me…?

I hate myself. I have been unemployed for a year and one day and I feel so ashamed. I’m not exactly qualified for any of the jobs I really want because of my lack of formal education. The only positions that are attainable right now would be being a waitress/hostess or salesperson. I am extremely nervous around people to the point that I do not leave the house very much except for an excruciating daily run to Starbucks and Whole Foods. I cry very easily and this has happened quite a bit, especially at my last job, where I’d have a meltdown and it would deter customers from coming into the store. Sometimes I would get extremely red and flustered (especially around my boss) and then feel like I was about to have a panic attack at work. Often I could not even pinpoint what triggered it. Everyone I know hates me for not working. No one seems to understand or care how nervous I am around people, they just instantly ume I’m lazy and unmotivated. I think I might have Agoraphobia (an anxiety disorder which primarily consists of the fear of experiencing a difficult or embarring situation from which the sufferer cannot escape). On top of this, each ping day is a reminder that I have not been able to face my boyfriend’s parents or friends since I’ve been unemployed. When I think about this (every single day) I feel like my heart is going to explode b/c I do not see how I will ever be able to face any of them ever again. They are aware I have taken every measure possible to avoid them (even when I had a job, I felt extremely stressed around these people). Also, I have so many doubts about my bf I fear they will sense that if I am around them. I just don’t want these people to think I am “a user” because I’ve been unemployed for so long. The two anti-depressants I’ve tried so far did little to alleviate my anxious feelings. If and when I work up the nerve to go to a job interview (I understand I can not remain unemployed forever) how will I explain to future employers my long period of unemployment? How do I eventually explain going into hiding to my boyfriend’s parents and friends when I finally see them?